


How to De-Stress with Kang Yeosang

by hoobab



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Bathrooms, Bathtubs, Crack, Gen, Hongjoong isn't the only weird one, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry, Kang Yeosang is a lil bitch, Not What It Looks Like, Out of Character, Strawberries, The Author Regrets Everything, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?, Yeosang is a big fat hypocrite, bless jongho's soul, hongjoong needs his midnight snacks, hongjoong works too hard, jongho is too strong to be human, jongho just wants to poop, this is absolute shit, yeosang is stressed, yeosang needs jesus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 08:28:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18774961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoobab/pseuds/hoobab
Summary: Hongjoong just wanted a strawberry jam sandwich before going to bed. Instead, he stumbles upon Yeosang in the bathroom.OrYeosang teaches his hyung alternative uses of strawberries.





	How to De-Stress with Kang Yeosang

**Author's Note:**

> I swear it's not what you think it is.

It was late in the evening when Hongjoong finally took a break from composing some fabulous song that would totally get a win and be the bop of the century. He was feeling the munchies, so he decided to make himself a sandwich before going to bed.

Hongjoong walked to the kitchen, tiptoeing quietly so that his other members would not be disturbed. He opened the fridge, the fluorescent light illuminating his tired face.

He searched the fridge for some bread and some strawberry jam to make his sandwich, but, to his disappointment, there was no jam to be found, only some grape jelly that was too basic for Hongjoong's taste.

Pouting, Hongjoong just grabbed a whole tomato to eat and closed the fridge door.

Munching on his tomato, Hongjoong shuffled back to his room with groggy eyes. As he passed the bathroom, he could barely make out a figure standing in the doorway. It turned out to be Jongho.

“Jongho, what are you looking at?” Hongjoong asked trying to look over the tall boy's shoulder.

Jongho just stood there, hopping from one leg to another like he needed to pee really bad.

A faint, flickering orange light came out of the dark bathroom as if candles were being lit inside. Craning his neck around, Hongjoong could see that indeed there were some candles placed around the bathtub like some romantic scene from a Hollywood movie.

“Who the fuck would take a bath at this time in the night?” Hongjoong breathed out.

Jongho turned his head towards Hongjoong incredulously. “Um...you.”

“Oh, yeah...I would.” Hongjoong sheepishly scratched his head. “I'm gonna see who's inside.”

Hongjoong moved to walk in but Jongho's ridiculously strong grip held him back.

“HEY! I've been waiting here for 30 minutes to take a shit! Wait your turn, hyung!” Jongho whined, tugging the leader's shirt for extra effect. But Hongjoong swore he would not fall for the maknae's puppy dog eyes ever again and batted Jongho's hand away.

“I'm just gonna make sure that whoever in there gets their ass out of bath.  _ Then  _ you can shit at heart's content!” Hongjoong threw up his hands exasperated.

After suspiciously squinting at his hyung for a couple seconds, Jongho finally let go of the sleeve and waved Hongjoong in, pursing his lips.

Hongjoong walked into the bathroom and fumbled for the light switch in the dark.

“Get your grubby hand off those lights, Hongjoong! My meditation guru says that candle light provides the best ambiance for stress relief. Fluorescent lights give me PTSD,” Yeosang's low voice called from the tub.

“Yeosang?”

“Yes, hyung?” Yeosang sighed impatiently.

“It's 2 AM, and Jongho has been politely waiting outside the bathroom for over half an hour for you to finish whatever the hell it is you are doing!” Hongjoong chastised. “Can you get your ass out of the tub so that everyone can go to bed in peace!”

There was a splash and a groan.

“Nooooooo! Don't wanna! My meditation guru said that my de-stressing routine can't be disturbed,” Yeosang whined loudly like a petulant child.

Hongjoong was absolutely mystified! He had expected someone like himself to be pulling off shit like this, but not Kang Yeosang. Sure, sometimes the kid acted like a brat and made fun of his hyung's quirks. But Hongjoong never thought Yeosang could be--gasp--a hypocrite?

Despite this newly found discovery, Hongjoong was tired, hungry, and pissed that he couldn't make his midnight jam sandwich. Yeosang's insolence just made him even more pissed.

“Ya! Brat! Get out! Now! We have dance practice at 6 tomorrow! Don't make me go and pick your bony naked ass out of the tub!” Hongjoong growled before stomping towards the tub and kicking away candles.

“IT'S NOT LIKE YOU COULD EVEN PICK ME UP IN THE FIRST PLACE, RAMEN ARMS!” Yeosang screamed from his tub. Hongjoong stopped in his tracks.

“You do know that Jongho is right outside the door and really needs to take a shit. I suggest you get out yourself before I call him over so he can use the necessary force to get you outta here faster than I can say your lines.

“Hyung. I don’t have lines!”

“THAT’S THE POINT, BRAT!!!!”

“Hyung! CAN I GO AND THROW YEOSANG OUT!!! I STILL HAFTA POOOOP!!!” Jongho yelled from the door.

Hongjoong rubbed his eyes. “Jesus Christ, these kids.”

“OK. I’M COMING IN NOW!!” 

Hongjoong turned around to see Jongho blindly flail around for the lights and banged his head into them which led to bright white light exploding into the room. 

Behind Hongjoong, Yeosang let out a shriek of pain and horror. “NOOOOOO!!! YOU OAF!!! MY STRESS LEVELS!!!! AHHHHH!!!! THE BRIGHT LIGHT!!!!!”

Jongho let out a shriek of pain and horror. “OMG!!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR FACE YEOSANG!!!!!!!”

Hongjoong whirled around and let out a shriek of pain and horror at the sight. “MY STRAWBERRY JAM!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY STRAWBERRY JAM!!!!!!”

(The next morning Seonghwa woke up feeling like he dreamed about three people being brutally murdered in the bathroom down the hall. He tried not to think it about too hard because  it was probably Hongjoong singing in the shower at like 3 AM.)

The scene before the three idols was an absolute horror show.

Somehow, Yeosang had filled the whole bathtub with strawberry jam. Empty jars and still lit candles were scattered around him. And Yeosang himself...well.

Yeosang was prettily sitting in the tub and was covered head to toe with strawberry jam. His face had strawberry glop smeared all over it, and his brown hair had been slicked back with the sweet condiment. The only thing Hongjoong could see beneath all that goo that resembled Kang Yeosang in any way was his eyes. 

Yeosang passed out because of the sudden bright lights caused his corneas to explode, and he couldn’t handle the sudden pain coming from his eyes.

Jongho shat his pants. He really needed to poop, and the horror of Yeosang made even Jongho’s ridiculously strong butt muscles lose control.

Hongjoong then had a mental breakdown because he felt pain, physically and mentally and emotionally and spiritually, every time a drop of jam slowly plopped down Yeosang’s limp head and sat there in a sad little puddle of jam that would never be spread onto two crustless, white bread slices and cut into four little triangles because that was how REAL sandwiches were made.

In the end, no one was any less stressed than they were before encountering Kang Yeosang soaking up some strawberry in the ATEEZ dorm bathroom at 2 AM. Well, except maybe Choi Jongho. 

In the end, he did what he came to do. 

Take a shit.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow...that ending was very mucho mucho.


End file.
